


Etchings in Clay

by EMMegs



Series: Fated 'verse [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But alternate reality deaths, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mirror fic, Multiverse Theory, POV Lance (Voltron), accidents in transreality travel, klance, klangst, post s3 hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-07 20:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12240000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EMMegs/pseuds/EMMegs
Summary: Lance finds it more ironic than actually dangerous that he’s in this situation with Keith of all people. And sure, he’s known he was attracted to the guy for months now but that doesn’t mean he wanted to get his mind torn apart by the multiverse with him.Or... Lance and Keith catch glimpses of themselves in other realities... Thanks horrific trans-reality accidentMirror/Companion fic to Smoke on a Tightrope from Lance's perspective





	1. From Behind Your Pews

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am again!! 
> 
> I'm really attached to this universe apparently so here's the same fic from Lance's view. This one also took me longer than a weekend because I, unfortunately, had to go back to work. Same structure and timeline, four chapters. All but the last are done and up. The last one is only being withheld because my sister will be borrowing my computer while hers is out for repairs and I haven't quite finished writing it. 
> 
> Fic/universe playlist is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ardc3nrQMxw&list=PLPoZFoep6ahanJeoJMxZ8fBqfhNhj3Y3r 
> 
> Fic title again from Grammatology by Adjy. Chapter Title from We Are Sick by From Indian Lakes (I prefer the Aaron Campbell remix for this fic though haha) 
> 
> Enjoy!!

Lance finds it more ironic than actually dangerous that he’s in this situation with _Keith_ of all people. And sure, he’s known he was attracted to the guy for months now but that doesn’t mean he wanted to get his mind torn apart by the multiverse with him.

He hits his head. He remembers hitting his head. That’s it.

And then it’s just pain. Pain and endless possibilities.

 

_Lance’s lips are pulled into a grin when he throws his arm over Keith’s shoulders, tugging him in close just to antagonize him. “Did you study for our astronomy test this afternoon?” he asks. Keith rolls his eyes at him and Lance has to increase his speed to keep him under his arm as he continues down the hall._

_“Why? Did you not?” Keith’s tone is impassive but it still grinds Lance’s gears to hear it._

_He decides to play it off nonchalantly, shrugging. “Can’t study for perfection, honestly. I got this. I_ own _the stars.”_

_“Put your grades where your mouth is, Lance,” Keith says and it’s a challenge if Lance has ever heard one._

_“Oh I will. I will wipe the_ floor _with you, Mullet. You won’t know what hit you.”_

_In the same almost bored voice Keith answers, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”_

_They round the corner to their classroom and Lance sees it as his sworn duty to pick up his pace_ just _enough to enter the room before Keith victoriously. He sticks his tongue out and relishes the eye roll he gets in return._

Lance isn’t sure if he’s breathing or where he is but it _hurts_. His chest is burning and his entire head feels like it’s about to throb off his shoulders.

“Lance,” Allura is above him but he can’t even soak in the fact that he’s got her sole attention. “Lance, you need to _breathe_.”

His mouth makes an attempt to answer but it doesn’t work.

 

_They’ve been broadcasting for hours now. At first it was just the same recorded loop but as soon as Lance realized they were in the equivalent of a space desert, Lance had taken to periodically taking over just to spice it up a bit for all of their zero potential rescue crews._

_“I’m so lonelyyyyyyy. Mr. Lonelyyyyyy,” he sings when Pidge finally leaves the room. “I have nobody to call my owwwwWWWWWWN.”_

_Of course he knows he won’t get much further until Pidge catches him. He’s halfway through the next line “I’m so loooooon—“ when she barges back in with a scowl on her face._

_“Lance cut it out! You’re going to draw attention to us!”_

_Lance rolls his eyes and spins in his chair. He’s so_ bored _. “Who the fuck is around to hear, Pidgeon?”_

_“Um. I don’t know. Maybe the fucking—“_

_‘Attention unknown vessel. Are you in need of assistance?’ the radio chirps and both he and Pidge whip their heads toward the speaker. ‘Or are you just trying to attract the goddamn Galra to these coordinates with your obnoxious Earth tunes?’_

_Pidge stares at the radio and Lance watches her apprehensively. She_ has _told him not to touch her equipment. Like… a lot. But wait… If this dude knows that he’d been singing Akon did that mean he was from Earth too? Finally, Pidge turns her head to him and says, “I_ told _you, Lance!”_

_Lance, already geared up to get defensive, retorts, “How the fuck was I supposed to know there was someone out here? It’s literally the middle of nowhere. If we were on Earth it’d be the middle of a desert!”_

_‘Do you need help or not?’ the voice on the radio says. Lance listens closer to it this time. It’s smooth but this guy’s obviously not a stranger to the use of some sarcasm._

_Hunk enters the cabin to answer with a mild hint of annoyance. “Yes. Our engine blew two days ago and it’s now becoming apparent to me that I can’t do anything about it with the parts we have.”_

_Lance nearly croons at Hunk in sympathy. The poor man. He’s been so diligent for them._

_‘Copy, I have your vessel in sight and am coming in now.’ Radio-man says. It’s mere minutes later when there’s the sound of someone docking against their ship and Lance hurries to locate the exact point and board the much larger ship. He knocks on the doors to the cockpit just to be polite to their rescuer and they drift open split seconds later. Lance tumbles through and then stares at the teen piloting this thing._

_He’s human. He’s got a haircut from the 80s but he’s definitely human. Lance feels his mouth dropping open. “Woah I know we thought you might be human too but that is still a shocker,” his mouth says before his new-person filter can fall into place._

_“Part-human,” Mullet corrects and Lance feels his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “What faction are you part of?”_

_He opens his mouth but nothing comes out before Hunk is rushing in behind him. “Lance, don’t say anything! This ship is_ way _more high tech than ours! We don’t know who they might—Oh hi.” Hunk comes to a stop next to Lance and Lance glances between his best friend and this new person._

 _“What faction are_ you _a part of?” Lance demands. Because Hunk’s senses are always right. If he has reason to be suspicious then Lance is gonna listen. That’s saved his hide a lot even if some of the time he brushes him off._

_“Blade of Marmora,” Keith says with a savage grin. Hunk backpedals toward the door with a terrified look on his face but their rescuer only rolls his eyes at the reaction. “Look. I’m trying to get you back to your people. So what faction are you?”_

_Lance rubs the back of his neck and laughs nervously. Boy if he only knew what happened. One day they’re sent out on an information pickup the next they’re being overrun by Galra specialists. “Yeah see. About that. Our old faction kinda got corrupted from within we think. So uhh…”_

_He just barely hears a soft, “No,” fall from the stranger’s lips before Lance says “We would absolutely love to join the Blade?”_

_‘Keith, have you gotten their purpose for being out there yet?’ the radio buzzes. Lance tries to grin sincerely to put Keith at ease but he’s not sure if it’s working by the glare shooting at the radio._

_Keith sighs and picks up his receiver, “Affirmative. Bringing them back to base.”_

_Lance does a little fist pump for victory._

Lance’s arm jerks back near his head as he freefalls out of the memory. He’s somehow on his side now and his mouth tastes like acid. He can see Keith across from him, his fingers twitching and his eyes wide and pained.

“Kei—“ he chokes, trying to reach a hand for him before the pain in his head overwhelms him again.

 

 _“Keith!” Lance shouts, the Red Paladin quickly becoming bigger in his vision as Lance races toward him. Lance launches himself at him and Keith catches him easily. Holy shit the amount of_ relief _he feels just having this man back in his arms. He presses his nose into Keith’s hair and feels something restless settle inside of him when Keith pushes his head into his shoulder. “You’re alive,” Lance mumbles, squeezing him tight desperately. His hands slide up Keith’s arms to cradle his face. “Thank God. You’re alive.”_

_Lance practically launches in to kiss him. Keith smiles when he presses back. He lets out a soft laugh when he answers softly, “I told you back at the Garrison didn’t I? Very little can hurt me when I’m trying to get back to you.”_

Lance can’t see but he hears the sound of Keith vomiting. His chest aches where he’s not sure if his heart is beating or if it’s just going so fast it’s making him dizzy. Someone’s fingers touch his neck.

Lance feels cold.

 

_“We’ve known each other how long and you’re still ragging on me about my damn hair?” Keith asks him as they walk side by side through campus. Lance just barely catches the look Keith shoots him out of the corner of his eye. It’s enough for him to nearly snort._

_“It’s not my fault you’ve been picking all the worst hairstyles since kindergarten,” Lance retorts. He shoots Keith the cheekiest grin he can muster. “I mean seriously, buddy. You kept your bowl-cut until we were like 13.”_

_Keith scowls at him. “My mom insisted!”_

_Lance clicks his tongue. “Sure. You didn’t really fight her though did you?”_

_Keith’s expression turns a little stony with pain just under the surface. Lance hates that look but he also knows it entirely too well. “You wouldn’t fight you mother about a stupid haircut if she was dying of cancer either,” he mutters. Lance’s stomach drops and his grin drops off his face._

_He sucks in a sharp breath then murmurs, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—“_

_“It’s fine, Lance,” Keith interrupts before he can fully apologize. Before he can make up for the guilt puddling in his stomach and making him feel sick. He frowns at Keith and slips his hand into his, squeezing tight as if to say ‘I’m here. I’ll always be here.’ “She’s gone,” Keith continues and it’s only through years of practice that Lance hears the sorrow lumped in his throat as he speaks. “It’s gotta stop hurting at some point and just become fact right?”_

_Lance tries to smile but his heart is aching for the man beside him. He doesn’t let go of Keith’s hand even as they start to see more people throughout campus._

Keith has an oxygen mask over his face and Lance can feel his own chest heaving as he gulps in lungful after lungful of air. He reaches a hand out weakly toward Keith. He wants to be closer to him. He’s always wanted to be closer to him.

Pidge is shouting over them as Lance’s eyes roll back in his head from the wave of pain that hits him.

 

_His hands are finding all of the little bumps and divots in Keith’s skin and Lance marvels at how Keith’s hips seem made to fit in his hands. Every part of him seems to be made to fit Lance perfectly. He leans down and trails his lips down Keith’s jaw, pausing at the juncture of his neck to leave a small bruise. He feels Keith shift under him and his hands fist in the shirt somehow miraculously still on his back. Keith arches his hips up closer to him and Lance can feel the vibration of the moan that rips from his throat against his own mouth._

_The ring on his left hand sparkles in the corner of his vision and Lance hums against his partner’s skin and lifts his head to gaze at him fondly. “Babe, we’re married,” Lance murmurs, reverent and slightly giddy at the surprise that thrills through him with the words. “Like that is a thing we did.” Keith trails a hand from his back up his spine to the back of his neck and pulls him down to kiss him, effectively shutting down his thought process. Not much can deter Lance though, especially not much when it comes to the man kissing him._

_The man he loves. The man who loves him. The man he_ married _. He still can’t quite wrap his head around it. He pulls back and keeps talking, despite knowing Keith will get frustrated or maybe_ because _of it. “Seriously though. We got married Keith. That’s big right? Like isn’t that supposed to be a life-changing event?”_

 _“Lance!” Keith groans and Lance loves pushing his buttons. He loves it when he says his name with that frustrated but also fond edge. His world is quickly turned on its head as Keith fucking_ flips them over _to get advantage and damn…_ damn _. Lance loves him so much. He stares up at Keith as his husband tangles their fingers together, pins him under his hips, and crushes their mouths together._

 _Lance will never admit that he makes a pathetic squeaking noise and tilts his head back as Keith mouths down his jaw to his neck. But he was_ saying something _. What was he--? Oh. Right. “Isn’t it though, babe?” he asks, somewhat breathless._

 _Through his partially closed eyelids Lance notices Keith tilt his head back as though asking the heavens_ why? Why the fuck? _But instead of continuing his ministrations to try to distract Lance further, he answers, “Yes, Lance. But it’s less so life-changing than it is illogical considering the fact that I’m in love with an_ idiot. _”_

_Lance is unperturbed since it’s a common insult to fall from his husband’s mouth. However, Keith is not as free with his verbal affection. So he smiles widely and says, “Aw, babe. You love me?”_

_Keith rolls his eyes toward the ceiling again and dives down to kiss him. Lance is still grinning as their lips collide._

Across from him, Keith is chanting his name and Lance can’t even properly appreciate it because he’s scrabbling at his burning throat, choking on what feels like smoke in his lungs.

How can he be burning from just the memory of a kiss?

“Keith,” the whimper falls from his mouth and his eyes whip around in the darkness of his vision searching for him until he’s gone.

 

_Lance feels his heart absolutely plummet when he sees Keith, blank-faced and raising his sword like it’s second nature to be facing off against Lance—which it kind of is at this point but it’s eerie with his expression pulled blank, not even a spark of determination in his eyes. “Keith,” he breathes, his shoulders pulling back just slightly and his voice cracking ever so slightly. He grinds his teeth a little and spits at the Altean behind him, “You did this to him, Kalen.”_

_Kalen answers with all the boredom in her voice of an office receptionist. “He’s part of the Galra scourge isn’t he? We had no choice. He was dangerous and violent. My grandmother would be proud that we’ve managed to turn—“_

_Lance feels_ rage _fire through his veins at the very mention of Allura. “Your grandmother,” he yells, “was a dictator! Keith didn’t do anything! He grew up on Earth. He’s_ human _too!” He’s running forward at an angle before his mind even registers that his body is moving automatically, drawing a rifle and shooting at her relentlessly. She blocks all of his shots but it doesn’t stop him from trying._

 _“Empress Allura did what she did to save the universe! The Galra would not have had mercy,” Kalen says and Lance hates the sound of her voice. He hates the way Keith doesn’t even react to their words, doesn’t react to_ his _presence like he always did._

 _“Yes. She saved your people,” Lance snarls, “but then she didn’t_ stop _.”_

_“Her technology has saved many species that would have died off by now.”_

_Lance feels an unnatural rage swell in him once more and his voice is icy as he says, “I wouldn’t call sapping the will from anyone who disagrees with you ‘saving’.” He fires off a single shot that hits Kalen in the shoulder but it isn’t enough. He knows it isn’t enough. He and Keith have both hit her similarly several times but a single shot is never enough._

_Keith turns toward her and Lance feels his heart ache in his chest to see his attention anywhere else. Kalen nods at him and Lance shakes his head angrily as Keith moves forward, sword slashing at him. He should not be fighting Keith. He shouldn’t_ have _to fight Keith. He can see the slight halting in Keith’s movements like he’s fighting the irremovable chip planted in the back of his neck._

_“Even without his violent will, your lover still has his skill,” Kalen comments as she moves for the shuttle door. Lance curls his lip in frustration as he blocks Keith’s attack and shoots off another wide shot at her back. He jumps away from Keith as he attacks again and his thoughts race. What can he do? He’s shit at hand-to-hand. Even with Keith’s lessons, he’s always been shit._

_He dodges to the side but it isn’t far enough to be missed. The cut in his arm stings and he cries out a little, grimacing. He doesn’t have time to check it. He doesn’t have time for anything._

_Keith is going to kill him while mind-controlled and the thought of Keith dealing with that even if he can’t voice or act on any of his emotions is enough to hurt his heart._

_He loves Keith too much to see him like this._

_He jumps away again and comes to a decision. They have yet to find a way to remove the chip safely. Who knows if they ever will? And Keith will no doubt kill more people as a brainwashed bodyguard, which will cause him even more pain._

_“Keith,” Lance says softly, reverently, “Keith, babe. Listen to me. I love you. That won’t ever change.” He watches Keith intently even as dodging his attacks and distancing himself. Lance sees a heavy look cross over Keith’s eyes underneath the stony expression of the brainwashing and he speaks around a lump in his throat with his next words. “I love you and I’m going to take down every stupid Altean bastard that did this to you.” Keith is running at him but Lance can see clearly the tears in his eyes. Lance raises his rifle. “But I’d rather see you dead than as their puppet and I know you would too.”_

_He pulls the trigger to fire directly into Keith’s chest before he can second-guess this decision. Before he can think of some other way to save him. Keith’s knees hit the ground and his sword clatters out of reach. His face is still expressionless but there are tears running down his cheeks. Lance tosses his rifle away and drops in front of him, hands coming up to cradle his face as his own tears overflow. He chokes on the lump in his throat and Keith’s body tips toward him._

_Lance pulls him in, cards a hand through Keith’s hair, and sobs into his neck. “I love you,” Lance murmurs to him. “In another world I’ll find you and I’ll protect you. I promise. I love you, Keith.”_

_He hears Keith’s last breath leave him in an almost contented sigh and Lance holds him tighter, his sobs turning to agonized wails._

Lance is sobbing as his eyes snap back open. His breath hitches and he can’t breathe. “No,” he gasps. “No. Make… stop.” His hands curl into fists at his sides as though that will stop the feeling of Keith breathing his last against his neck. As though the mere act of curling his fists will fight off all the negative energy coursing through him.

Hunk is at his back, one hand stroking up and down comfortingly.

He hears rather than sees Keith’s convulsions, as though he’s in death throes. Lance squeezes his blind eyes shut and lets out another sob.

“Coran!” Hunk yells. “Where’s the sedat--?”

 

 _His eyes are wide and his hands are gripping his rifle hard. He’s never seen actual combat before. He never thought he would. But now the Galra are attacking Earth and even now, even with_ actual aliens _attacking his planet, Lance can’t conceive that this isn’t a dream. He sneaks around the side of a building. Automatic sentries are everywhere, nearly as many if not more than actual alien soldiers._

_Some of his classmates have run off. They hadn’t wanted to participate in the fighting and the Garrison didn’t have enough actual military authority to force a bunch of teenagers into combat when they were literally only there for the space program. They were only supposed to be students._

_Lance feels vomit rise in his throat as he sees a blast of purple light and one of his classmates drops to the ground not far from him. Then he’s angry. He looks at the source of the energy bullet and finds it’s a real soldier, not a sentry. He raises his rifle and eyes down the sights._

_He’s aiming for the head but he knows it’s going to miss. He hasn’t had enough practice. The purple-furred alien’s head whips toward him and Lance is very quickly coming to regret this decision. His eyes widen and his feet carry him backwards as the alien holsters his blaster and advances on him, drawing a sword instead._

_Lance swears under his breath furiously and starts shooting without pause, always trying to keep distance between him and the Galra. Some part of him knows that it’s futile._

_The soldier’s first downward strike is blocked by Lance’s rifle but it renders it entirely useless. Lance gulps because he was lucky that it didn’t go straight through it and then through_ him _as well. He tosses away the useless gun and back pedals._

_His back hits a wall and Lance’s eyes widen in panic, his breath starts coming in shorter fast gulps._

_Oh fuck. He’s going to die. He’s about to be killed by alien invaders. His mother is going to have to bury his body. If his mother even lives though the invasion._

_The Galra looms over him but something odd happens. Lance meets his eyes and the alien’s eyebrows seem to furrow for a moment. Lance’s mouth falls open and he doesn’t know_ why _but he’s sure, he’s absolutely_ certain _that he knows this person, this man. “I,” he says quietly, “I know you.”_

How _? He doesn’t know and the alien seems confused for a split second as well. There’s hesitation in his movements but then his head twitches a little._

_“Victory or death,” he snarls and the next second Lance feels cold steel drive through his chest. He chokes and tries to suck in a breath but nothing comes. The blade leaves him and the Galra stares down on him as he drops to the ground._

_“Ke--“ Lance chokes on the blood in his throat and in his mouth, the name on his tongue but unable to say it._

_He dies not understanding why he’s so certain that that alien’s name is Keith._

Someone is screaming and it takes him a long time to realize that it’s him. Inhuman screams falling from his lips as his body jerks, hands reaching and falling. One hand on his chest, clawing at his neck, another fisting the sheets under him.

He gasps in breath after shrieking breath, his throat going raw.

“No. Not me. I didn’t. NO.” He thinks it’s Keith’s choked voice off to the side but he can’t even spare the thought for what Keith must be thinking because his chest is burning where his sword plowed through him. Something pricks his arm and Lance is still crying, still grasping at his chest. But his head feels fuzzy now. He can hear himself quieting.

His vision clears just enough that he can see Keith’s form facing him, his eyes wide and full of tears and his mouth cracked open in an agonized cry.

“That’s it boys,” Coran soothes as he sees Keith jerk a little with another huffing sob. “It’s alright… Just relax. Let it go.”

Lance feels his eyes drooping no matter how hard he tries to keep them open and on Keith.

After that he’s not sure if he dies or just sleeps.


	2. Lost in the Maze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Sincerely by Stephen

Lance’s head feels like it’s about to explode. The first thing he realizes when his eyes open is that he’s lying on his own bed, but somehow the room is still spinning. Why is the room spinning? If he’s this sick why is he even awake? He throws one arm over his eyes and groans. What the fuck even happened to him? He feels like he was run over with a steamroller.

There’s a knock on his door while he’s still lying there regretting whatever life choices led him to this moment. Hunk and Pidge stick their heads in and Lance almost throws one of his pillows at them before reconsidering.

“How you feeling?” Pidge asks, voice soft and so sympathetic that Lance really is starting to wonder what the hell happened to him to turn her voice like that.

“Like I was run over with a steamroller and then reinflated,” Lance mumbles into his pillow. He feels the bed dip a bit as Hunk sits. His hand rubs circles in his back.

“I’m not surprised,” Pidge comments. “That accident really put you and Keith through the wringer.”

“What accident?” Lance asks and he has to turn his head enough to see their expressions entirely because they fall silent. Lance blinks at them as they share an uncertain look.

Hunk’s hand continues rubbing his back in circles but he’s biting his lip. “The accident with the portal? The one you and Keith were in?”

The stabbing sensation in his chest comes rushing back and Lance almost loses his breath completely with it. He pulls in a gasp of air and shudders under Hunk’s touch. He’s suddenly so overwhelmed with the feeling of _Keith_ all around him that he shuts his eyes tight and has to focus on just breathing. “Oh,” he manages to squeak some time later, still breathing heavy from the onslaught. It’s somehow makes his head feel even _worse_ , which Lance honestly didn’t believe was possible.

“You okay, buddy?” Hunk asks and Lance remembers holding a dying Keith, killed by his hand. He curls a fist into the sheet below him, tears pressing at his eyes.

“Is he okay?”

“Keith?” Pidge asks and Hunk looks mildly dumbfounded that he’s asking so desperately. “We haven’t seen him since Coran and Shiro moved him back to his room.”

Hunk frowns. “Is Keith really what you need to be worried about? Lance, you nearly died.”

Lance draws in a deep breath remembering lips pressed to his own and needing to put a bullet in the chest of the man who owned those lips. “I need to know,” Lance grits out. “Is he okay?”

“Shiro’s looking after him and Coran said that he was going to be fine,” Pidge says, a curious look on her face as she looks at him. “What did the two of you see?”

And Lance knows Pidge well enough to nope out of _that_ conversation. At least with her. There’s too much blackmail material in it and that’s the last thing he needs. Lance draws in a couple more breaths and shakes his head. “Sorry, Pidgeon. No can tell.”

“That means it’s something embarrassing,” Pidge points at him and Lance is _sure_ his face has already given the answer away. “You’re blushing so it was either romantic embarrassing or—wait…” Lance groans. “Wait, wait, wait. _Keith_?” Lance wants to sink into the ground and die there. He wants to be launched into space. “You and… Keith?”

Hunk scowls at her probably because she seems to be evilly gleeful about Lance’s embarrassment. “They went through the accident together what of it, Pidge?”

Pidge cackles and the sound of it rings through Lance’s aching head painfully. “No. Hunk. They’re _together_. In whatever reality they peeked into they were _together_. Like I knew you had a crush on him, Lance, but I wasn’t actually sure if that would ever work.”

Lance mutters just under his breath but Pidge has fucking bat ears for blackmail material and she just grins wickedly when he says, “It was only one of them. Or three. Four max.”

“Oh,” Hunk mutters then sort of shrugs. “I can see it.” Lance grunts at Hunk in particular with his next groan into his pillow. “What? You’ve been kinda obsessed with him since the entire fake rivalry thing at the Garrison, dude.”

Lance knows. Oh boy does he know. He’s been lowkey crushing on him ever since they got to space and Lance began to realize how dumb his rivalry was. But he still won’t admit to that. “Ugh,” he growls into his pillow. “Leave me, demon. I’ve just woken from an accidental coma and feel like I was forcibly turned inside out through my right eye.”

“Lance you know that banishing me isn’t going to solve your problem, right?” Pidge asks.

“No. But it will get you away from me long enough that I can sleep it off.” Lance looks toward Hunk and is able to communicate with a look that he really, _really_ wants to be alone. Hunk scowls at him at first but then herds Pidge toward the door.

“He’s right. He needs to rest. And not think about horrid transreality accidents,” he says.

“Oh I’ll let him rest. But I won’t let _this_ rest.” Pidge waggles her eyebrows at him as she ducks out and Hunk rolls his eyes to narrow them at him.

“Thank you,” he mouths as Hunk closes the door behind them. Lance draws in one big deep breath and shuts his eyes tight. He glances toward the wall separately his room from Keith’s and a whine pops out of his mouth. He didn’t want to think about this. Now all he can think about is Keith pressed against him and breathing heavy for two entirely different reasons in different situations. His mouth pressed to Keith’s skin. His hands in Keith’s hair. He curls into a tight ball and the whine turns a little more intense.

He wants Keith there next to him _now_. But he can’t. He can’t bridge that gap. Keith was in love with him in other worlds. Not his. How could he in his? There was no way. How can he ever look Keith in the eye again? The thought is making his head hurt even more.

 

He dreams of Keith, his last breath a gasp of his name against his neck, and it has him jolting upright with Keith’s name halfway out his mouth. He pulls his knees to his chest and turns his face into them, half a sob on his lips. He can’t stay here. He can’t be by himself. He gets up and strides out of the room, seeking company from anyone, despite the early hour.

He goes to the kitchen first, perhaps instinct driving him towards Hunk’s safe place. And maybe he’s seeking Hunk’s company because he’s known him half his life, maybe his stomach is just begging to be filled. He’s not really sure but his feet carry him there in what feels like mere moments and when he creeps in, Hunk’s humming as he cooks and Shiro is seated at the island staring vacantly into space, a cup of space-coffee in front of him.

He doesn’t greet either of them, just plops down next to Shiro. Hunk glances his way and says, “Hey Lance. Did you sleep better this time?”

He hums noncommittally and makes grabby hands toward what is essentially the coffee pot.

“Buddy. You’re gonna have to talk if you want me to do anything for you.”

Lance scowls at Hunk but Shiro just passes him his untouched cup to him silently. Lance looks toward him and Shiro is watching him now, gaze still slightly vacant as though he hasn’t quite woken up fully but also a tad bit concerned. “Lance, how are you?”

Lance shrugs. “I’m pretty good all things considered,” he mutters and for a split second he imagines the sharp pain of a sword in his chest. His hand twitches toward the imagined pain before he catches himself and curls it into a fist instead. Hunk sets a container of sweetener in front of him and Lance dunks a liberal amount in his coffee before taking a sip. “Thanks for the coffee by the way, Shiro.”

Shiro smiles a little, though his eyes are still tainted with some kind of concern. “No problem. You looked like you needed it more.”

Lance hesitates before asking, “How’s Keith?”

“Kinda distraught but insisting he’s fine,” Shiro answers.

Hunk snorts from where he’s flipping some kind of purple meat. “What else is new?”

Lance swallows, mind stuck on the _distraught_ part. He wants to ask but in the end he doesn’t. He just curls his fingers tighter around his cup and raises it to his lips again, silent. “I’m gonna go get a run in before breakfast,” Shiro says, dismissing himself from the conversation and what Lance is sure is an awkward atmosphere with him brooding next to him.

He slips out of the room and Hunk turns to him as soon as the door slides shut. “Okay, spill.”

“What? Spill what?” Lance asks casually, staring down into his cup as though it’s the most interesting thing ever.

“What’s got you so worried about Keith?”

Lance laughs but it sounds so forced even he cringes. “Why would I be worried about Keith?” His voice cracks and he curses under his breath.

“Dude. You asked about him yesterday. You just asked Shiro about him. What happened to you two that’s got you wound like a spring?” Lance opens his mouth to brush off Hunk’s worries but then he grows pensive again, shaking his head. “Lance? You’re seriously brooding over there. Are you okay? You can talk to me, you know that right?”

“You remember the reality where we found that asteroid?”

Hunk nods slowly. “The one where the Alteans were basically the Galra right?”

Lance feels a lump in his throat and tries to swallow around it before speaking to no avail. “Keith’s dead in that reality.” He pauses and draws in a shaky breath. “Because I loved him too much to see him be a mindless puppet.”

“Dude,” Hunk breathes. He plates the weird purple meat he’d been cooking and circles around the island to envelop him in a hug. Lance allows the smallest of sobs to fall from his lips. “He was one of those non-cogs?”

Lance nods into Hunk’s shoulder. “Allura’s granddaughter was using him as a mindless bodyguard.”

“Holy shit,” Hunk whispers.

Lance pulls in a shuddering breath and mutters, “I guess it’s only fair since he killed me during a Galra takeover of earth in another one.”

Hunk pulls back and stares at him, a hand on either of his shoulders. “Lance. Dude. You probably realize that’s what Shiro meant by Keith being distraught right? He was distraught about _that_ exactly.”

Lance shakes his head. “It’s nothing, honestly. He was a brainwashed Galra soldier. It’s fine.”

Hunk tilts his head down to look at him more intently in the eye. “That’s… not nothing to Keith, Lance. And I think you know that.” He purses his lips when Lance just shakes his head again. “You were crazy in love in some of the others huh?” He changes the subject and Lance groans loudly.

“God that’s almost worse than the two where one of us died,” Lance moans, flopping his upper body down on the counter and nearly upending his coffee cup.

“Why?” Hunk asks.

“Because it’s not possible _here_ , Hunk.”

“Why isn’t it possible?” Lance lifts his head just enough to glare at him but Hunk seems to not be having any of his nonsense. “Seriously, Lance. _Why isn’t it?_ ”

“There is no way Keith fucking Kogane has feelings for me in this reality.”

Hunk raises a single eyebrow and says, “Why not?”

“It just… isn’t.” Lance looks away from his friend and buries his face in his arms, groaning loudly into them.

“Did I miss the deet spill?” Pidge asks as she springs into the seat next to Lance.

“No,” Lance deadpans, “Because there still isn’t going to be one. At least not for _you_ , Demon.” Then he narrows his eyes at her. “Did you wake up this early specifically to come torment me?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lance.”

“What’s Lance rambling on about now?” Allura questions as she strides in.

Lance groans again into his arms. “I’m not,” he says, words muffled by his arms.

“How he doesn’t want to talk about how crazy for Keith he—“ Pidge starts and Lance launches at her to cover her mouth.

“How crazy Keith drives me in every reality ever,” Lance finishes with wide eyes and a round of laughter that is entirely too fake-sounding. Pidge glares at him and he shrieks as he drops her when he feels a slimy tongue swipe across his hand. “YOU LICKED ME?”

“What were you expecting?” Pidge deadpans.

“Well it’s good to see you’re feeling better, Lance,” Allura says, though she’s looking at him strangely and a little too knowingly for his tastes.

“Indeed,” Coran calls from the doorway then asks Hunk, “Is the food almost ready to be brought out?”

“Almost! Give me like 2 minutes to finish up the potato-like things.” He then gives Lance a pointed look that Lance doesn’t even know what to do with and circles back around the island to pull something from the oven. Lance rolls his eyes and drains the rest of his coffee before moving to the dining room since they’ll inevitably end up there.

Minutes later, everyone else filters into the room with various plates of food. Shiro even comes back from his workout. But still no Keith. Lance pushes his food around his plate with his fork idly. He doesn’t even know if he’s disappointed or relieved that Keith isn’t there. He really wants to see him just to confirm that he’s _alive_ but he doesn’t think he can look him in the eye without dying either. He sees Hunk and Allura both looking at him and shoves something in his mouth even though he’s not really tasting anything. It’s just to show them that he’s eating. That he’s fine. If fine is even a possibility after something like this.

He frowns at his plate.

Of course he’s fine, right? He’s only dying inside a little and his head is only throbbing a bit compared to yesterday.

He’s gone back to pushing his half-finished plate of food around his plate when the doors to the dining room pop open and Lance’s breath catches in his throat as his eyes snap up.

It’s Keith. Looking slightly disheveled and slightly spooked but whole, _alive_. Lance feels a breath of air leave him that he wasn’t aware he’d been holding. Keith’s eyes look around, a tiny frown on his face, then his eyes meet Lance’s and Lance jerks his head back toward his plate. His stomach is turning suddenly and he just feels the need to get _out_. His headache is also growing in his right temple. He takes a couple breaths then stands. He curses that he can’t keep his voice solid as he says, “I-I’m full,” and flees. He gives Keith wide berth as he leaves, not necessarily on purpose but also not on accident either.

He’s breathing heavy and his headache is back in full swing as he enters his room several minutes later. He flops on his bed, dropping his head into his hands, elbows propped on his knees.

He’s not sure how long it is until he feels like his head has just been jerked off his shoulders and his breath chokes him. “No,” he chokes out as he’s yanked away.

_He gazes down at Keith’s body, at the neat gunshot in his chest. Pidge is saying something next to him about being able to decode the Altean’s non-cog script to possibly swap it for something else using the chip in Keith’s head. Lance only sees the man he loves dead on a table and rage filling him at the people who had done this to him._

Lance gasps, his body shuddering. He feels like he’s going to vomit and stumbles toward the bathroom just in time to empty his stomach of the breakfast he’d just finished. _Keith’s alive_ , he reminds himself resolutely as he leans his forehead against the toilet seat. _Keith’s alive. You_ just _saw him._

 _“Hah! I told you I’d ace it! Take that_ Keith _,” Lance crows, triumph flooding through his blood as he shoves his test at his rival. He’d been up all night the day before cramming but he’d done it. A 98 sits at the top circled in blue. Totally worth it. There’s no way—_

_But he sees Keith roll his eyes and smirk a little as he flashes his own paper at him._

_At the top is a solid and unmistakable 99._

Lance draws in breath after desperate breath just trying to keep them coming. God his _head_. His right eye is throbbing and he’s pretty sure his vision is going slowly blind in that eye. The room is spinning and Lance crawls back toward his bedroom, toward his door.

He needs Keith. Holy shit, _he needs Keith right now_.

_“How the fuck was I supposed to know your teammate and mine were siblings?” Keith asks him, a scowl on his face as he glares at Lance. Lance’s own eyes are narrowed as they sit across from each other._

_“I don’t know but it’s_ mighty fucking suspicious _that you find other live humans and don’t check to make sure any of them are family!” Lance says because_ honestly _how many people lost their families when Earth was invaded? Who the fuck is this guy?_

_Keith rolls his eyes at him and Lance feels offense thrill through him. “Suspicious my ass,” he mutters._

_“The first thing I’d check is if my family was among them!” Lance exclaims. And it’s true. He would. Because some part of him still holds out hope that they’re out there somewhere. At least some of them must be. They can’t_ all _have died._

_“Yeah well maybe I never had family on Earth to worry about.”_

_Lance feels the pang run through him at that. Because_ ouch _. He can’t even imagine not having a family at all to worry about._

Lance paws the door to his bedroom open desperately, his vision nearly entirely gone in his right eye and his head pulsing. He still hears Keith’s wrecked voice shouting down the hall, “ _Lance!_ ”

Lance’s body moves on autopilot toward his voice, his feet clumsy and his hand brushing the wall as he stumbles forward. His lips part and his voice cracks a little as he calls back, “Keith?”

_Lance watches Keith scan a page of the textbook in front of him. Lance’s own book is open to a page on multiverse theory, his pen held to his lips in thought. “Hey, Keith,” he says and hears the answering hum from Keith. “Have you ever thought about the multiverse more personally?” Keith lifts his eyes long enough to cock an eyebrow at him before turning back to his textbook with a small frown. Lance swallows and continues, “I mean like… what might our alternate selves be doing? Do you think we’re friends?”_

_Keith shrugs and Lance feels his stomach drop a little. “It doesn’t matter does it? It’s just a theory.”_

_Lance frowns as he hums back a soft, “I guess.”_

Lance’s hands are shaking and he’s staring at Keith, his hands gripped in his shirt. He feels Keith’s hand wrap around his arm and clings tighter, fighting back the laugh of irony of their alternate selves studying multiverse theory when they’re fucking _living it_.

_“What would you do if we’d never met?” Lance asks, head propped against Keith’s as he curls around him from behind. One arm his hooked around his waist. Keith snorts and rolls toward him which sends a happy thrill through Lance. He tightens his arm around him. “No, really. What would you be doing?” he insists softly._

_“Looking for you, probably,” Keith says, his eyes shut contentedly as Lance gazes at him._

_“How can you look for someone if you don’t even know them?” he teases, voice so affectionate even he’s a little disgusted by it._

_Keith turns his head a little so he can gaze back into his eyes, smiling a little and his eyes full of fond wonder as he says, “Trust me, Lance. I’d always find you. In any universe.”_

Lance comes back to himself already feeling like he’s been hit by a truck. And he knows it’s not the end. He _knows_ it. “I _would_ find you,” Keith gasps at him and Lance doesn’t know what to think about his relationship with Keith anymore. He doesn’t have the luxury to examine it.

His hands curl into fists in Keith’s shirt reflexively as he whispers back, “I did.” He wants to add a quip about how he’d _know that mullet anywhere_ but he’s jerked away before he can.

_Lance’s lips brush the skin of Keith’s neck as he mumbles, “You know, Keith… I think you might be the love of my life.” Above them the stars twinkle as though in agreement._

Lance gasps and slumps a little, his face burying in Keith’s shirt and his arms winding around his waist. He doesn’t know what will come next. He doesn’t want to. He just wants it to stop. His head feels like it’s been cleaved in two and even though his eyes are shut and his arms are securely fastened around Keith, the space around him is spinning.

Keith’s chest heaves and he shudders. He feels his arms around his shoulders and the weight of Keith’s head settles against his own. His voice mumbles above him and through him, “It’s over. It’s okay. It’s over. We’re okay.”

Lance unwillingly feels a sob leave his mouth. _How does he know that?_ Keith’s body shudders under his grasp as he thinks it, a choked noise coming from him.

God why does this hurt them both so much?

Lance tightens his grip, fingers clenching into the shirt on Keith’s back. If he doesn’t let go now he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to. If he doesn’t somehow leave _now_ then he’s going to spill every word that’s been going through his head since meeting this boy. He forces himself to release Keith and back away, thankful that Keith releases him as well. He brings his hands up to his face, fingers pressing at his aching forehead.

“Lance.” Keith’s voice is so soft. So _fond_ , it makes his heart feel as though it’s cracking.

He can’t take it. He shakes his head and croaks, “No, Keith.” His shoulders shake with the sob that falls from his lips and stumbles away from him down the hall. He doesn’t make it to his bed. Hardly even makes it into his bedroom before he’s slumped against his door, entire body aching and his head so heavy he can’t even keep it up.

 

“The statistical probability of them even _surviving_ that crash was small enough as it is,” Slav says, arms flying wildly above his head. Lance feels his fists curl tighter against his thighs where he sits doing his best to seem as though he’s doing alright. His head hurts. As it has been hurting for days since the stupid accident. “The chances of them suffering zero after-affects is less than 0.05 percent.”

Lance resists the urge to lean back and cover his eyes or stick his head between his legs. He knows they haven’t escaped unscathed and he knows Keith knows it too.

The glimpses haven’t stopped.

“Is that in _this_ universe?” Shiro hisses. And Lance really _wants_ to laugh at that particular irony but he can’t.

“That is taking into account _every other possibility,_ ” Slav says and Shiro groans. Coran is pinching the bridge of his nose, the only indication that he’s also mildly annoyed.

“We’ll run some scans then,” Coran states.

“Yes,” Allura interjects from where she’s piloting the castle toward their next destination. “We’ll do whatever we can to lessen how this affects Keith and Lance.”

Lance feels his vision dim in his right eye and sucks in a breath. Fuck he hates this. He hates it because he knows he can’t pilot like this. He knows there’s something coming. His vision never fucks up unless something’s coming, unless he’s about to _see_ something.

“But what if we can’t form Voltron?” the question pops. He knows it’s something that Keith normally would ask. But he knows that it also should be a pretty big priority. If he and Keith can’t pilot their lions safely then they’re down two paladins. They don’t have two replacements just _magically_ hanging around. He can see Keith watching him out the corner of his eye and he grits his teeth as a fresh wave of pain rocks through his head. “What if we do everything we can but these glimpses and…” He inhales sharply and almost swears as the vision hits him hard and fast.

_Keith looks sleepy but incredibly fond as he looks at him across the wooden dining table, a plate of pancakes in front of him._

“Memories,” Lance gasps once he can breath past the lump in his throat again. He swallows before continuing his train of thought. “Make us unable to pilot our lions, to form Voltron. We can’t possibly fly like this.”

That is only taking himself into account, or as much as he’s willing to share of his own condition. He doesn’t want to worry anyone because it has been and will get better, he’s sure. It’s just the blasted flashes. In the corner of his vision Keith bends his head forward into his hands, his fingers just barely moving over his temples.

Lance does his best to keep his expression blank when the next wave of pain and glimpse hit him.

_Laying awake in an empty bed with morning light creeping through. He’s staring into space. The wall across from him features photos of Keith grinning at him and his heart aches knowing that he ended that smile, even if it was better for him._

Lance feels the sob in the back of his throat but plays it off as a mere hitch in his breath. “And, I mean, Keith’s last run with the Black Lion didn’t exactly end well for either of us.”

Lance shifts his eyes to Keith. His face is still covered by his hands but he looks angry? Or maybe hurt. He can’t be sure. Maybe the glimpses are hurting Keith just as much as him? Keith moves his hands just slightly to look at him and Lance can’t school his pained, worried, _everything_ expression before he knows Keith sees it from the glimmer of recognition in his eyes.

“What are you wanting from us, Lance?” Allura asks, turning her head to glance at him, specifically. “The universe cannot go without Voltron. We are his pilots.”

He’s about to open his mouth and spit something about how he _hurts_ and can’t see straight when Keith stands abruptly and says, “I can’t. I can’t pilot the Black Lion again. I… I can’t.” There’s a tremor in his voice and Lance can see it in his hands too. His eyebrows furrow.

“Did you ask her that, Keith?” Coran asks, so gently that Lance wants to cry.

Keith turns to look at the Altean then turns his head to look at Shiro, Slav, and finally Lance. He looks scared and Lance wants to take his hand and assure him it will be okay but he can’t. He swallows the lump in his throat and looks away instead.

“I just can’t,” Keith mutters and Lance doesn’t miss his hands curling into fists at his sides, still trembling fairly violently.

He looks like a deer in headlights and Lance wants to pull him out of the road.

Coran lets out a sigh then murmurs, executively, “I understand. We’ll suspend Voltron’s activities as long as we can.”

Shiro frowns but doesn’t say anything when Coran looks at him sharply. Keith nods and excuses himself without looking back. Lance is reaching a hand out after him before he can stop himself but Coran puts a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s hard to just get back into it after the kind of ordeal you two have been through,” Coran says softly. Lance’s hand drops. “Thank you for giving him the option to speak out by doing it first.”

“I-I just…” Lance draws in a deep breath and lets it out in a whoosh. His lungs feel like they’re being crushed “I can’t either. Not like this.” He brings a hand to his forehead and runs his fingers along it. His vision is still swimming. “Not knowing that I—“ He cuts himself off and shakes his head, hand sliding to cover his mouth.

Shiro is watching him but he has a curious look in his eye. He and Coran make eye contact and some form of understanding passes between them that Lance can’t even fathom. Coran then turns to him and says, “Lance, my boy. We should go get some scans done.” He takes him by the elbow and pulls him from the room and only when they’re alone does he add, “You seem to be in quite a bit of pain even if you’re trying to hide it.”

Lance’s shoulders slump and he pulls to a stop just long enough to put his hands on his knees for 10 seconds. “Yes,” he says. Coran’s frown in one of concern as he prompts him with a hand motion to elaborate. Lance swallows. “My head mostly. But I’m having trouble seeing too? It’s fine. I don’t want to be a burden to any—“

“Lance,” Coran stops him, hand pressing against his back between his shoulders, “you are never a burden.”

Coran lets those words sit in the air as the hand on his back leads him to the medbay.

 

He’s taken to somehow universe-hopping in his dreams. Or at least he’s pretty sure that’s what’s happening. It’s only started a week ago, three weeks after the accident. He wakes up every morning and his head hurts so much he’s certain he’s dying.

He hardly even remembers any of the damn dreams. But nothing makes his head hurt like universe-hopping. Nothing has _ever_ made his head hurt like it.

It’s the eighth night in a row he’s woken, shaking and with half a scream. He breathes in through his nose in the darkness of his bedroom, lets it out through his mouth and chokes on the sob that comes with it. He curls tightly around his pillow and can’t stop the whimpers that come from his mouth. His fingers dig into his hair and there are more tears pouring down his already tear-stained cheeks.

This is how Coran finds him because it’s later in the morning that he’s waking today. He’s been waking later and later every day it feels like and today is apparently no different.

Today he just missed breakfast.

Lance whimpers when the door pops open, pouring hall light into his room, over his half-blind eyes. He covers his face to block it out and grips the sheets under him.

He can _hear_ Coran’s concern as he approaches his bedside and sits next to him on his bed. A hand lands on his back and the softest voice says, “It’s getting worse isn’t it?”

Lance nods miserably and Coran’s hand moves to cover his head.

“Perhaps another scan?”

Why? What is the fucking point? He sure as hell isn’t moving from his bed to get to the medbay any time soon anyway. “What would it show?” Lance breathes and even that sends spikes of pain into his skull.

Coran seems to consider that. “I’ll get you some painkillers then and tell the others to let you rest.”

A scourge of panic rises in his chest and he latches on to Coran’s wrist as he moves to withdraw from him, gasping, “You _can’t tell them_.” He meets Coran’s eyes and he’s looking at him, quizzical and so concerned. He repeats, “I mean it. You can’t tell them, Coran. I don’t want them worried. Especially Keith.”

“Lance—“

“ _Promise me_ you won’t tell any of them. Not unless some cause for it shows up on the scans, not unless I’m _dying_. Okay?”

Coran stares at him, contemplating, for a long time then says, “Alright, lad.” He moves for the door as Lance releases his wrist but pauses at the door. “Have you talked to Keith at all?”

Lance almost laughs but even the snort that pops from his mouth causes him enough pain to regret it. “No. I… I can’t.”

Coran frowns a little but nods. “Please remember this is a _shared_ experience you’re having, my boy.” And then he leaves Lance and his whimpering pain to bring him some kind of relief.

He can’t stop from wondering if Coran says that because Keith is going through the same thing.


	3. Burning in My Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Fumes by Eden

He isn’t sure why exactly he starts again but he finds himself in Red’s hangar more over the next few weeks. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t seem to react to his pained visage as much as the others seem to (because they _know_ ; he knows all of them are aware even if they won’t actually confront him about it). Maybe it’s because she’s still vaguely connected to Keith and he’s hoping that possibly she’ll divulge how his rival-partner-friend- _whatever_ is doing.

Red huffs at him and Lance gets the distinct impression that she’s rolling her eyes at him. He scowls at her dashboard from his seat in the pilot’s chair.

_Did you think I would really break that trust?_

No. No he hadn’t. But he could still _hope_.

_Talk to him._

He sighs in frustration and raises his eyes to the ceiling of the cockpit, hands rising to his hair. “You don’t understand, Red. I _can’t_. He’s—“

His breath cuts off with the sharp pain in his head accompanied by the image of him in a Lion, but not Red or Blue.

_He glances down at the black bayard clutched tightly in his fist and he feels a surge of determination as he turns back to look at Keith in his Red paladin armor. “You ready babe?” Lance says, lips curling into a brilliant grin even as they form the words._

_Keith offers him a small, proud smile and nods. Lance fills with warmth for the other man._

_“Let’s see what this baby can do, shall we?”_

Lance brings his hand down hard on Red’s dashboard and she sends a thought like the irritated swishing of her tail at him, but there’s an underlying current of concern, even sympathy in the gesture. He lets out a ragged harsh breath and glares out her viewscreen at the hangar below.

“He’s too… far. I can’t possibly reach him,” he says after several long moments of head-pounding silence.

 _Says the space pilot_.

Lance can’t appreciate her sass right now. Not with the pain he’s in or with the way his vision is dimming at a dangerous rate.

_“Lance you’re being ridiculous,” Keith mutters and Lance looks back at him. His quizzical expression is cute even when he can’t see his midnight eyes. He feels Keith grip his hand tighter and almost chuckles at the nervousness in the gesture_

_“Shush. How long have you known me?” Lance asks, voice soft. A prompt that should be foreshadowing for the surprise ahead if Keith is paying attention._

_“Too long.”_

_“Excuse you!”_

_Keith would be rolling his eyes if they weren’t covered. “20 years,” Keith concedes in that bored voice he uses when he’s trying to convey an eyeroll without doing it._

_Lance opens the door to the roof and pulls him the last couple feet to the blanket he’d set out earlier. He reaches for Keith’s blindfold, teeth worrying at his lip before he pulls it off. Keith’s eyes first meet his then wander all around them to the stars surrounding them. He’d specifically found the tallest building on campus, on the very top of the annoying as hell hill. Because he knows Keith loves the stars, loves space._

_And Lance loves him._

_So much that he can’t even be bothered with looking around at the stars with him because the only one that matters is standing in front of him. Keith looks back at him and Lance feels his mouth moving on its own accord, “Happy birthday.”_

_Keith lets out a breath that carries just a hint of a laugh. “Lance.”_

_“I… I brought you here because… I need to tell you.” Tell him he loves him. That he wants him to be happy. That he’ll be here for him for as long as he needs, through the rest of college, through the rest of their lives. But for now it’s enough to say, “Keith, I lo—“_

He’s sobbing as he finds himself back in Red’s cockpit. Between his tears and his diminished eyesight he can hardly see.

That’s every one now. Or nearly every one. Every universe they glimpse in and he’s with Keith. He’s in love with Keith everywhere he looks. He draws in a shuddering breath and covers his face with his hands.

_You love him._

Lance can’t even deny Red’s insistence. But he doesn’t want to confirm it either. He doesn’t know. He knows he feels _something_. He knows Hunk and Pidge are right about his not-so-subtle crush too. But he can’t say it out loud. He can’t put that into the air when it’s probably so one-sided…

_Tell him._

Lance is blind and he knows that trying to maneuver out of the cockpit right now probably isn’t the best idea, knows that even if he gets out he can’t stop Red from pestering him, but he tries to leave anyway, stumbling down the gangplank and into the hall outside the hangar.

 

Lance goes to training like normal. He does everything as normally as he possibly can when he’s blind in one eye most of the time and his head feels borderline explosive _all_ the time. He knows Hunk can see that he’s not in his best shape. Pidge maybe too. He catches worried looks shared between the members of his team all the time but he pretends he doesn’t see them, pretends everything is fine.

Positive thinking always wins the day right?

He’s watching Keith out of the corner of his left eye as he dodges the Gladiator a little sluggishly and Lance _would_ provide cover fire if it weren’t for the fact that he and Hunk are both preoccupied with training drones and keeping _their_ fire off their close-combat members.

He sees the Gladiator’s opening and opens his mouth to warn Keith to cover his right when the kick lands and sends him flying across the room. Seconds later Lance feels the tell-tale wave of massive pain and his knees give out underneath him.

_“Lance you need to stop,” Pidge is saying in front of him. “You’re going to get yourself killed.”_

_“I’ll stop when Kalen,” he spits the name, “is dead. What happens to me doesn’t matter anymore.” His voice is cool despite the unbridled rage that simmers just beneath his skin. He looks up from where he cleans his weapon to gaze at Pidge’s expression of how unfathomably stupid she must find him._

_“Are you fucking kidding me? Lance, I want her dead too but you don’t even appreciate your own life anymore.”_

_“No,” Lance corrects softly, “I appreciate it, but that appreciation doesn’t matter anymore.”_

_“Is_ this _what Keith wanted for you, Lance? To drive yourself on mission after mission in search of a revenge that I’m sure will just end up killing you too.”_

 _Lance feels tears press at his eyes at the mention of him but his hands curl into fists. How_ dare _she use Keith against him. “She_ took him from me _, Pidge!” He’s yelling at someone who means a lot to him but he doesn’t care anymore. “It doesn’t matter what he wanted anymore because he’s not_ here _and it’s_ her _fault!”_

_Pidge just looks at him for a long time, her gaze slightly hardened by his outburst. “I know you loved him Lance. But he is not the only person who loves you.”_

Lance shudders and looks up to Hunk, kneeling next to him but not looking at him right now. He’s looking toward Allura and Lance glances toward Keith but ends up channeling his frustrated gaze toward Allura instead.

“Do you want to try again?” Hunk asks, looking down at him then at Keith, his bottom lip between his teeth. Lance feels the tremor in his hands and knows he won’t be able to shoot straight anymore.

“I’m done,” Keith says, a touch of anger in his voice as he shakes his head and sweeps out of the room. Lance looks after him as Hunk turns his gaze back to him, the question in his eyes. Lance shakes his head and forces himself to get up on shaky limbs.

“Me too,” he says and he looks toward the observation deck where Coran and Shiro watch them. Coran has a small frown on his lips and for once Lance can’t keep the weariness off his face. He leans one hand against the wall and waits until he knows his legs will hold him before he strides in the direction of the medbay.

“Are you certain I can’t tell them?” Coran says to his side as he enters the medbay. Lance lifts his head from his hands and nods miserably. “They all want to support you, Lance.”

He shakes his head despite the way the room spins when he does it. “I can’t give them one more thing to worry about when we’re in the middle of a war.”

“But—“

The doors spring open and Hunk is standing there, worry carving a place in every wrinkle in his appearance. “Lance, are you okay?”

Lance glances at Coran who merely raises an eyebrow and turns toward his medicine cabinets for him. He looks to Hunk and smiles as big as he can. “Yeah, buddy. I’m fine. Just a headache.”

Hunk narrows his eyes. “You’ve been having ‘just a headache’ for a while now, Lance.” Lance feels his smile dimming slightly as his shoulders slump a little. Hunk makes his way closer and sits next to him on the bed. “You know you can tell us if you’re having a hard time with something.”

“I know,” Lance says. He pulls in a deep breath and lets it out in frustration. “None of this feels _real_. There’s so many different worlds in my head and all of them feel just as real. So I’m stuck constantly questioning whether I’m actually in _my_ reality and not in some weird nightmare.”

Coran wordlessly hands him some painkillers and takes his wrist to get his pulse. Hunk is scowling.

“I’m fine. Really, man. Thanks for worrying though,” he says, trying his best to look sincere.

“Can I do anything?” Hunk asks but Lance just shakes his head. “Food,” Hunk says. “I’ll go make you your favorite food right now.”

Lance offers him a small smile and Hunk eagerly spins around and leaves the medbay with purpose. Lance rubs the back of his neck and looks at Coran, who doesn’t look particularly amused. “You may believe that keeping this from them is for the best but it does not keep them from worrying.”

Lance presses two fingers to his head and murmurs, “Please just run the scan, Coran.”

Coran tuts but obliges.

It shows nothing besides some weird brain activity but Lance just accepts it and moves on, heading to bed with Coran’s insistent assistance at his side. Lance lies there once Coran leaves, his head pounding and the room spinning, and tries to sleep.

He drifts off to a pained glimpse.

_“My family was caught in the first wave of the invasion,” Lance murmurs, his knees pulled to his chest and his eyes gazing out the window at the stars. He feels tears in his eyes at the memory. “My mom tried to contact me to warn me to get somewhere safe and I haven’t heard from any of them since.”_

_“They’re probably dead,” Keith answers._

_Lance flinches a little, drawing his legs closer to him as he whips his head around to look at him. “I know,” he snaps, his eyebrows drawing down. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I keep hoping they’re out there somewhere still, my sisters all fighting the Galra head on and my parents striking fear in the hearts of armies.” He turns his head back to the window and just imagines it. His cheek is resting on his knees and Keith is quiet as the tears pool in his eyes._

 

It’s been two months of this waking nightmare before something breaks. Coran has gone to check the computers after completing what feels to Lance like the millionth scan taken of him. He’s not expecting anything to be different from the last hundred thousand but he also _feels_ different. His hands haven’t stopped shaking since the beginning of the week and the variation of pain in his head has fluctuated more recently. That has to mean _something._

“I’m sorry,” Keith says, startling him out of his thoughts.

Lance frowns at him. “For what?”

Keith shrugs and gestures around them. “All of this… I know it’s been hurting you worse than me.”

Lance’s eyebrows take a dive into a deeper frown. He gets that. He hasn’t exactly been able to be subtle about his pain lately. But… “Keith… Why do you think this is all your fault?”

Coran comes back, scowling at his tablet and something inside Lance’s chest settles when he realizes he’s about to finally understand what’s wrong. What’s changed. “Why do you look like you’re about to hand out some bad news?” he asks, his eyes wide and ready.

Coran frowns, takes one last look at his screen and then looks up at him and Keith and says, “Lance, my boy… Your brain is showing odd signs of degradation.”

Lance doesn’t need a degree in medicine to know that degradation _anywhere_ is a bad thing. Keith makes a choked noise beside him and Lance can’t even be mad about Coran sharing this with him in the room. He just accepts it.

But Keith certainly won’t.

“What about me?” Keith demands.

“For some reason, you’re completely fine, Keith. But Lance…”

Lance is human. Lance is not made for trans-reality journeys. Lance is and has been dying this entire time.

“Lance is dying? Is that what you’re saying?” He sounds angry and Lance wants to ask him not to shoot the messenger but he can’t.

Because Keith sounds scared.

“Well we’re all dying really—“

“Coran. Please,” Keith says, “Be straight with us. Is he dying?” Lance can’t breathe because Keith actually sounds and looks terrified. His hands are curling into fists and his jaw is clenched.

Keith Kogane is actually scared for _him_.

“That is what appears to be happening,” Coran confirms and Lance watches something in Keith’s expression shatter. He watches him stare at the Altean for a long while before turning his cloudy, storm-filled eyes to him.

Lance wants to say something, wants to assure Keith that they’ll figure out a way through this. _Something_. Red’s earlier insistence that he should _tell him_ presses at his vocal cords but he can’t. Instead he ends up swallowing down the lump in his throat and offers half of a smile.

Keith straightens and stands, determination and anger and straight up _rebellion_ lining his posture as he brushes past Coran and spits, “Over my dead body.”

Lance feels his blood ice over at the words. “Keith!” he shouts as the Black Paladin breaks into a run out of the room. He’s on his feet but he can’t run. He can’t move as fast as Keith because unfortunately the room spins as soon as he gets up.

 _Over my dead body_. Lance swallows down his panic. He knows what Keith’s dead body looks and feels like against him. He knows what it feels like to see Keith dead and he never _ever_ wants to feel that way again. “Coran,” Lance says in a choked voice. “We have to stop him. He’s…”

Coran is already radioing the bridge, the seriousness in his expression straining his voice.

Lance feels the beginnings of tears in his throat and stumbles for the door, despite Coran calling after him. He needs to do something. He needs to get to Red. He has to somehow _stop Keith_ _from getting himself killed._

He jams a helmet on his head and is only half-aware that he’s pulled on his other paladin armor before he gets to his lion. Allura and Pidge are questioning Keith’s sudden departure in his ear as Lance rushes to his lion. He sits at the controls of Red and his hands shake as he enters the sequence for the hangar doors and lets her launch.

He hasn’t flown in two months. He hasn’t trusted himself to fly in two months. But now he has to. He has to stop Keith.

 _I’ll help._ Red insists.

He opens a comms channel to him with a single thought and speaks, his voice shaking, “Keith? Keith, please stop this. I don’t know what you’re trying to do exactly but you’re going to get yourself killed. Get back here and we can talk this out.” He draws in a deep breath and lets it out.

He can see the Black Lion in the distance by the lights of her thrusters and he and Red gun her controls toward the light.

Keith doesn’t respond to him but he _knows_ that the link is open. Keith is just being a stubborn asshole like always. Lance wants to scream but all that comes out is a small whimper. His head. _God his head._ He grips Red’s controls tighter and pushes for _more_ , knowing Red will give it all she has.

He comes to a screeching halt as that white space opens up before the Black Lion and Lance can feel his throat going raw as he screams for Keith. Rapid fire images, emotions, sensations run through his head.

_Keith scrunching up his nose at him as he flicks a paper football onto his desk._

_Keith arching into his touch, the breathy moan of his name on his tongue._

_Keith gazing determinedly ahead as Lance watches him through the commscreen. “Let’s show these assholes what Earth could have done to them,” he snarls._

_Keith rolling his eyes as Lance does a victory dance about beating his score during a test._

_Keith’s hand twining with his as they lay on the training room floor, chests heaving, and faces sweaty._

_Keith running through his head as he finally, finally, runs Kalen through with Keith’s blade, all the while holding back the grimace of his own sword wound._

They’re there and then they’re not. And Lance can breathe again, harshly, still with half sobs. The pressure in his head is gone. His hands are still shaking but his head doesn’t ache so terribly. Lance sees the white space abruptly blink out of existence and it appears to take Keith with it.

Lance sucks in a terrified breath and begins babbling toward his empty comm-link to Keith. “Keith. Keith answer me. Keith please be okay. Keith are you there? Keith. Keith!”

He sees a flash ahead of him and begins to pilot Red in the direction of it before realizing that it’s the Black Lion hurtling toward a planet. He and Red are of one mind as they fly as fast as they can for the Black Lion, even though, logically, they know there’s nothing really they can do to stop her from crashing. “Keith,” Lance shouts. “Keith, you’re going to crash! Keith, control your Lion! Keith!”

The others are shouting in the comms as well but Lance is screaming himself hoarse trying to get Keith to answer him, answer him, _answer him dammit._

“KEITH!” Lance’s voice breaks as he sees—still too far away, he’s always too far to reach—the Black Lion tumble into the planet’s surface taking the silent Keith with him.

The comm-link turns to static instead of silence and Lance stares through his viewscreen in shock even as he still races for the Black Lion’s location.

“Lance,” Allura says through his comms, “Are you alright?”

His voice is soft and hoarse when he says, “I have visual. I’m going to bring him home.”

“Lance—“

“Red, over and out.” He cuts the link and Red basically flies herself down to the Black Lion and her former paladin. The Lion is still mostly intact but one of her front legs is torn up and there’s a worrying gash in her side.

Lance swallows down the lump in his throat and stumbles out of Red’s cockpit, navigating his way toward the Black Lion’s through the tears swimming in his vision. He stumbles into the cockpit and immediately reaches for the pilot’s seat, his hands taking Keith’s head and observing the steady trickle of blood leaking from underneath his helmet as well as the way one of his arms is bent unnaturally. His foot is twisted funny too but he’s still strapped to his seat so maybe he’s okay.

He _has to be okay._

Lance’s fingers trail down the side of his head, pressing under the collar of his armor and against his neck, searching desperately for a pulse. He counts for what feels like hours but is really only seconds, waiting to feel the bumping of a heartbeat underneath his fingers.

“Please,” Lance breathes out and it’s as though the heavens have heard him when he feels a staggered but fairly strong _bmp-bmp_ under his fingers. He lets out a sigh of relief and unbuckles Keith from his seat, pulling him to his chest with a sob that echoes through the comm-link to the castle that pops open.

“He’s alive,” is all he can say, over and over again even when Allura informs him that she and Hunk are on their way to pick up the Black Lion.

He clutches Keith to his chest and sobs because Keith isn’t breathing his last breath against his neck.


	4. Every Leaf That Falls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Turn to Gold by Joel Ansett
> 
> This was actually completed and posted from my phone so I'm sorry if there's any weird formatting or grammar things. My phone likes to autocorrect even when I don't need it to.

 

Lance stares at the pod where Keith rests. He’s trying to listen to Coran as he does their regular scan, he really is. But Keith standing there behind the glass, knowing that he could have  _ died _ , is very distracting at the moment. 

“Lance,” Coran draws his attention. And Lance lets out a soft sigh, rubbing the back of his head. “He’ll be fine and so will you.” 

“Is that what my scan is telling you or are you just trying to make me feel better about him running off to save me?” 

“Both?” Coran sighs and sets his scanner aside. “I’m telling you that even if the scans aren’t showing it yet, you  _ are  _ getting better. I think you can feel that.” Lance purses his lips and nods, eyes trailing back to Keith’s pod. “I know you may be upset with him, but I believe it  _ is  _ his actions that stopped this from becoming a total tragedy. I’m not sure how we would have stopped your brain from wasting away otherwise.” 

Lance swallows around the lump in his throat, eyes still stuck on Keith. “Yeah… So he might have saved me at the cost of himself.” His eyebrows turn down and he shakes his head. “I can’t justify that.” 

“I don’t think he wants you to justify it, Lance. I think he just wants you to know how important you are.” 

Lance forces his gaze away from Keith and shakes his head again. “There’s no universe where my life is more important than anyone else’s,” he says, his jaw clenching slightly. He forces his feet to carry him from the room and resolves not to look back until Keith is awake. 

 

Keith is in stasis for four days. In those four days, Lance does everything he possibly can not to think about him. He works on his close combat training with Shiro and Allura. He hangs out with Hunk in the kitchen, taste-testing his creations. He sits around Green’s hangar with Pidge and bothers her with hypothetical questions until she kicks him out. He keeps Coran company on the bridge and helps him out with various repair projects. He even gets one single talk in with Slav but as soon as the topic turns to universal possibilities, Lance shuts it out and excuses himself. 

Coran had set a timer to alert them when Keith would wake and Lance waits for it to go off. He’s one of the first ones outside the medbay, fury beginning to press through his veins already when he thinks of how  _ reckless and stupid and goddamn arrogant  _ his actions were. Coran and Hunk both put a consoling hand on his back and cause him to pause. 

“Let Shiro go in first. We don’t need to overwhelm him,” Allura says from behind and Lance turns to watch Shiro walk through the medbay doors. 

“I’m next,” Lance says. “I’ll give Shiro a couple minutes but then I’m going to rip him to pieces and none of you can stop me.” 

“Dude,” Hunk mutters, “Chill. We all can tell you and Keith have things you need to talk about. We’ll let you do it.” 

“Please don’t kill each other,” Pidge says from behind Hunk, poking her head out from behind his form. “Besides, if you kill him then you can’t tell him about your raging—“ 

“Pidge, I am pissed and concerned for my friend, don’t push me right now,” Lance interrupts, glaring at her then glancing toward Allura and Coran. 

Allura raises her eyebrows. “Coran and I are well aware of your feelings for Keith, Lance,” she says clearly and Lance makes a horrified noise as he drops his face into his hands. 

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Lad,” Coran adds. 

Pidge has moved to the doors of the medbay, close enough to attempt to hear the conversation within but not enough to trigger them to open. She shushes them with a wave of her hand and cackles a little as she mutters, “Get wrecked, Keith.” 

Now that it’s quiet, Lance can just barely make out the voices beyond the doors.  _ “Lance is what I was thinking.”  _

Lance can’t tell if his heart is trying to jump into his throat or drop to his stomach. Either way it’s not sitting where it’s supposed to be in his chest. Pidge turns a sly grin his way but Lance shakes his head. Why him? Keith hasn’t seemed to care before now. Why now? 

_ “What? Are you so single-mindedly focused on a boy that you’d get yourself killed—“  _

_ “Yes. If it would save him.”  _

Ice crawls into his veins and it takes all of his self-control not to barge in and demand to know why he thought that was a good idea; why he thought  _ Keith dying  _ was ever a good alternative. He feels his face twist into something angry and hateful and so unlike himself that he has to take a deep breath just to keep himself in check. 

_ “You almost broke him. He was halfway out to your position in the Red Lion when you crashed.”  _

_ “Well, no one ever said that becoming the leader automatically gave me impulse control.”  _

Lance snorts and no one stops him when he triggers the doors to open and strides straight in, his chest heaving and his fists curled into fists. “I’ll say,” he spits, clenching his teeth and shoving Keith in the chest. “What the  _ fuck,  _ Keith?” 

Shiro slinks out behind him and Keith just looks at him, expression calm and serene even in the face of Lance’s wrath. “We need to talk,” he says quietly. 

“Damn right we do,” Lance answers, “You’re an impatient, impulsive, arrogant asshole, you know that?” 

Keith—that asshole—his lips quirk in a smirk despite the fact that Lance probably looks like a hurricane embodied in a person. “You… already knew that when you first met me.” 

Lance feels himself spluttering, his anger thrown off by how fucking  _ calm  _ Keith is. Normally they’d be yelling at each other by now. “That’s not the point,  _ Keith _ .” 

Keith’s eyes turn upward, considering, just for a moment before turning back to him with a sly smirk on his face. “Oh, you just needed to insult me to get it out of your system. Okay.” 

“Stop that,” Lance hisses. God this smug asshole. He  _ knows  _ Lance is angry. He  _ knows  _ it and he’s just egging him on. Maybe he really does want to die. “You—“ His voice cracks and he has to take a moment to recollect it before continuing, his rage and concern all wadding up in his throat and making him choke with the lack of actual heat behind his words. “You arrogant asshole. I hate you. You almost fucking died, you know that? Slav is fucking  _ mystified  _ that you survived that damn stunt  _ twice _ . I hate you. The Black Lion is wrecked and I hate you so—“ Tears swell up all at once and his voice breaks again with an embarrassing sob popping from his mouth. His hand comes up to cover his mouth and he tears his eyes from Keith. 

God it really is just the opposite isn’t it? He doesn’t hate Keith at all. 

Keith asks, “Are you okay?” 

Lance laughs but it sounds more like another sob because he can’t stop now. The relief that Keith is okay and his anger at putting himself in this situation in the first place are battling for dominance within him and they’re coming out of him in the form of sobs. “You almost die and ask  _ me  _ if I’m okay,” he chokes, his eyes trailing back. 

“Your brain,” Keith says softly, his expression is concerned and borders on desperate. “Are you okay?”

Lance recognizes that desperation and clenches his fists. That desperation is what almost got Keith killed the first time he ran off. He steadies himself with a breath and then says, “No,” with a shake of his head. A look of dread and despair comes over Keith’s face and Lance dives to grab Keith’s wrist as he makes a move for the door. He’s no doubt about to run off and place himself in another dangerous situation. “ _ But,”  _ he continues quickly, “Coran and Slav say that I’ll most likely make a full recovery. It will just take some time for it to show on the scans, like it took a while for it to show up in the first place.” He takes a deep breath and tries to meld his expression into something more neutral than the worried, half-angry look that he’s sure is on his face. He’s never been good at hiding intense emotions and Lord knows he’s got a lot of them lately. “I’ll be fine.” 

Keith lets out a breath and relief casts over his features as he murmurs, “Then it was worth it.” 

Lance feels the fire stir in his blood a little more, his hidden frown coming onto his face. “I’m not some damsel in distress that you needed to save. I would have handled it, Keith.” 

“I wouldn’t have,” Keith answers, with a small shrug.

“Clearly,” Lance says icily then his voice rises just slightly, “Considering you  _ flung yourself at a deadly trans-reality portal. _ I mean,  _ shit  _ Keith. I would have handled dying the same way I was handling those—“ 

The words die in his mouth as an intense protective anger darkens Keith’s eyes as he bellows, “I  _ refuse  _ to be the death of you again.” 

Lance breathes in and out but he’s caught thinking a mile a minute at what this means. He blames himself? Of course, Lance knew that to some extent. Keith’s apology was enough for him to know that he blamed himself on some level but… “I refuse, Lance,” Keith continues, quieter. “One universe where I find you only to kill you is enough.” 

Lance’s hand unconsciously moves to his chest where he’d been stabbed by a Galra soldier version of Keith. He remembers that pain, but he also remembers holding a dying Keith, listening to his last breath leave his body and his soul depart. Unwillingly, he feels tears well in his eyes. “What about me. Keith? Do you—“ He sucks in a breath as his voice cracks but charges on, “Do you think I want to watch you die again?” 

Keith almost takes a step back as though struck in the chest and his hand comes to his chest. And Lance knows he understands what he’s talking about. Keith’s eyes have unshed tears in them as he breathes in his lips twist into a grimace. “It was my mistake that got us into that. If you died because I crashed, because I  _ chose  _ to fly at that thing…” 

Lance finds himself yelling before even registering that his anger is back in full swing. “Why is everything always your fault? Why does a decision we  _ all  _ made fall entirely on your shoulders just because it got fucked up?” 

Keith flinches at his tone before his own anger flares in his eyes. “I’m the leader, Lance! That’s what it means! I take the fall when things go to shit!” 

And  _ that _ . God Lance can’t even explain why  _ that  _ makes him so angry. Keith trying to be the loner again, he assumes. “You don’t  _ have  _ to!” He feels tears spilling over his cheeks as he spits at this beautiful,  _ infuriating  _ man. “That’s what being a team  _ means _ ! That’s why I’m  _ here _ ! To help you! To keep you from doing stupid shit! We’re meant to be a team, Keith! We’re meant to be partners but you keep pushing me away!” 

He draws in an angry breath and lets it out in a long  _ whoosh _ . There are tears on his cheeks and his hands are in his hair. Keith has turned away from him, his own hands tugging at his hair. Lance watches him and takes a shuddering breath before he says in a wrecked voice, all of his revelations over the last two months. “We find each other. Keith, we  _ always  _ find each other. And every time—every. Fucking. Time—I end up halfway in love with you before I’ve even learned your name. But I can’t love you if you’re dead.” His voice breaks on the last word and Keith turns back to him with a soft look on his face. 

“You realized it too.” 

Lance shrugs and nods, his voice cracking as he says, “It’s hard not to.” 

Where the fuck does this leave them though? They agree on this: they are meant to find each other. But Lance can’t help wondering where that will take them. 

Then Keith is talking again after letting out a shuddering sigh. “It’s not just the ones we saw, you know. It’s all of them.” Lance’s throat closes up a little as Keith delivers him a couple more little revelations, with a small fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Every single universe. I saw it when I went through the second time. Every time it’s just you.  _ You, _ Lance. I don’t know how or why but somehow you’re always there. You’re fated to be something to me.” 

Keith pauses, licks his lips, and something comes over his features, like a realization of his own. “I love you,” and there’s a note of awe in his voice as he says it. “Lance, I love you.” 

And then Keith is standing there crying and repeating it over and over again like a mantra, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” Lance’s body moves on its own to cradle his face in his hands, wiping away the tears on his cheeks. Something shatters in Lance and he thinks it might be whatever remains of the walls around his heart. 

“I know,” Lance breathes, pressing their foreheads together. And he does. There’s no other real explanation for why he’d so willingly throw himself into danger other than Keith loves him. Keith  _ loves him _ . Keith’s hands find his waist and tug him closer, one trailing up to take his wrist. “I know, Keith. Somehow I’ve always known.” 

Lance brushes his thumb over Keith’s cheek and Keith bumps their noses together. Lance is pretty sure it’s him who moves to tilt their heads so their lips slot together but Keith is just as receptive to it. He means for it to be a gentle thing free from concerns but when he moves back, Keith grabs him by the collar and pulls him back in. Lance’s lips curl into a smile under his, his fingers weave into the hair behind his ears. Keith presses in closer, his hands snaking around his waist to tug him in. Lance detaches their lips and buries his face in Keith’s neck, humming against his skin. 

Keith presses a kiss to his forehead and Lance feels his soft breaths wash through his hair. 

_ Keith loves him.  _ It makes him giddy just to think about. “I’m still mad at you,” he mumbles, just to make it clear that Keith sacrificing himself for him is  _ never  _ something that he wants. His hand clenches in Keith’s shirt, the other resting against his hip. 

“That’s fine,” Keith answers, hand running along his arm. “You have the right to be. So long as you don’t  _ actually  _ hate me.” 

Lance shakes his head, sigh coming from his lips. As if. “Never could.” 

Keith kisses him again and Lance lets his eyes slip closed, savoring it as a soft moment with the man he loves among a time when war is all that really drives them. 

“Oh, yup. They uhhh…” Keith draws away and Lance shoots a glare toward where Hunk stands in the doorway. “Well they’re definitely not killing each other.” Lance laughs and noses at Keith’s jaw in contentment. The others follow Hunk in and Lance moves to Keith’s side. If he hears the small whine that leaves Keith’s mouth, there’s nothing but the small smirk that quirks his lips to prove it as he slides his hand into Keith’s. 

Pidge smacks Keith in the arm, scowling at him. “Next time don’t be an idiot,” she says and Lance concurs wholeheartedly. “This guy isn’t the only person who’d be wrecked if something happened to you.” 

Keith laughs a little, though to Lance’s ears it seems a little sheepish. “Yeah. Love you too, Pidge,” he says. She punches his arm again, quickly followed by a hug that Keith returns one-armed. Lance feels a rush of warmth over the fact that Keith doesn’t want to let go of his hand. 

“So uhh,” Hunk starts, “does this mean that everyone is fine?? Like you guys have sorted everything out and no one is gonna drop dead right?” 

“Yeah, buddy,” Lance answers, smiling and squeezing Keith’s fingers between his own. “No one’s dying. And Keith promises not to act so recklessly next time.” He levels a stony vaguely threatening expression Keith’s way as he says, “Right,  _ babe _ ?” 

Keith just nods, looking a little like a scolded puppy. “I’ll try.” 

“Glad to hear it,” Coran says, patting Keith on the shoulder and giving Lance a look with his twinkling eye that he feels is probably trouble. 

“I do hope though that you’re prepared to assist in the Black Lion’s repairs,” Allura says, all business, though she too is smiling and seems to be relieved. 

“Yes, of course,” Keith says. 

“You also better be prepared to start team training again,” Shiro adds, “And forming Voltron again. It’s been long enough.” 

Keith nods at the same time Lance does and turns back toward him. The affectionate look in his eyes is enough to leave Lance winded. He’s not used to that being the status quo yet. He’s not sure when he’ll get used to the intensity of Keith’s gaze, of his love. But he’s willing to pour back just as much. “I could do for a nap,” Keith murmurs, mostly to him. Lance nods, suddenly aware of every ache in his body from where he hasn’t really been sleeping. 

Pidge makes a face at them. “You two are like brothers to me so  _ please  _ make sure your fucking nap is  _ just  _ a nap.” 

Lance grins mischievously and waggles his eyebrows at her as he leads Keith past their friends. Lance leads him straight to his own room, letting Keith in there like he’s always belonged there. He pulls Keith in close and kisses him, lips needy and tongue a little searching. Lance’s hands wander to his waist and he finds Keith’s fingers in the hair at the base his neck. 

Keith is a warmth that he’s always craved and there’s no way he can leave him without freezing. Not anymore. 

“You don’t seem mad anymore,” Keith murmurs as Lance pauses in his desperate kisses to flop on his bed, pulling Keith down with him. 

Lance snorts. “I can be mad and still want to make out with you.” Keith rolls his eyes and settles himself on his side facing him. Their legs tangle together and Keith takes one of his hands between them. Lance’s hand reaches for Keith’s face almost reverently and brushes the hair out of his eyes. “Go to sleep, Keith,” Lance breathes. 

His heart stutters a little as Keith nuzzles his hand and shuts his eyes. Lance feels tears coming again because he’s  _ alive  _ and they’re  _ here _ and  _ how on earth did he manage to fall this hard for a Mullethead?  _ “God, I love you,” he chokes out, “So much.” He scoots closer and curls his arm around Keith’s shoulders, tilting his head so his nose brushes through Keith’s hair. 

He breathes in and lets his breath fall in sync with the man sleeping beside him. 

 

**A Month Later…**

It surprises Lance how quickly and seamlessly he and Keith settle into each other. Literally overnight they go from tip-toeing around each other and picking fights to sleeping side by side and holding hands everywhere they go together. 

His favorite thing becomes shamelessly pressing a kiss to Keith’s lips in front of Pidge just to watch Keith’s cheeks color and the nerve in Pidge’s temple pop a little. 

He always knows when Keith is near now because he'll feel a pair of arms snake around his waist and breath ghost across his cheek. “What are you doing?” Lance asks him as he stands in the dining room apraising a photograph. 

“I think I should be asking you that,” Keith retorts, settling his chin on Lance’s shoulder. “It's perfectly obvious that I'm showering you with affection.”

Lance hums and feels the tip of Keith's nose press to the juncture of his neck and jaw. He smiles. “I was just looking at this photo Coran took,” he says softly.

Keith squints at the print in his hand and says. “Isn't that the one he took a couple days ago?” 

Lance nods. “You aren't even looking at the camera,” Lance murmurs, leaning his head against his partner’s. Then he pauses, eyes and thumb both scanning over Keith’s face in the photo. “Do you always look at me like that?” 

Keith comes around to stand in front of him, forcing him to abandon the photo on the table. “Like what?” he asks gently. 

“Like…” Lance hesitates, “like I'm your whole world.” He bites his lip as Keith regards him. 

Keith swallows then says, “Lance, I'm going to tell you something. And I'm only going to say it once so you better listen.” Lance nods as Keith takes his hand, his other brushing over his cheek. “You  _ are  _ my whole world.”

Lance feels his heart rate spike unexpectedly, despite predicting that answer. Keith is like a sun in front of him, smiling soft and his eyes fond and warm. He's just as intense as the unknown day Lance fell in love with him, the only thing really that's changed is the fondness in his intensity. Lance’s fingers squeeze Keith’s and Keith leans in to kiss him, cupping his cheek. 

“Really? Right in front of my coffee?” Pidge gripes from where she’s snuck over to the coffee maker. Lance chuckles against Keith’s lips and Keith just turns the hand holding Lance’s face into a profane weapon pointed at her. 

“I love you,” Lance mumbles as Keith pulls away, keeping one hand against his collar. 

Keith smiles at him and lifts his knuckles to his lips, murmuring, “Love you too.” He pauses and there's a mischief in his eyes as he adds in a dramatically sappy voice, “My Fated.” 

Pidge makes an exasperated groaning noise behind Lance and Keith shoots him the biggest shit-eating grin Lance has ever seen from him. His heart hammers in his chest and he thinks how  _ lucky  _ he is to have this man. How he has the rest of his life to look forward to beside him, beside him and everyone else he's come to see as surrogate family. 

And how Keith enjoys flirting with him in front of Pidge just for her reaction as much as he does. 

He grins back at Keith and laces their fingers together, squeezing solidly. He may not be on Earth with his real family, but he's got a pretty good surrogate one up here. 

He can't wait to see what their future holds. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated adding a scene to the end of this where they introduce each other to an alien diplomat as their Fated and the alien gets the wild idea that they're married (they basically are, lbr) so it puts the crazy idea in their heads to get space married. Or alternatively the alien misunderstands the term Fated to be something embarrassing or awful and Allura has to charm over that little mishap. Ultimately I decided to go without because that will make a fun bonus anecdote later in this universe haha.


End file.
